Yes, this blog is still officially closed, but I figured one more post couldn’t hurt us.

The subject of this post is babies.

Why?

Well, first off, in case the whole world hasn’t noticed, there seems to be a baby boom going on.

This brings up a few concerns that I have…

The actual subject of other people having babies is not what concerns me so much. I’m quite happy for everyone who is having babies these days.

(Congrats to the whole lot of you – you know who you are.)

What concerns me (read: freaks me out) is a certain reaction I encounter whenever I hear of another one of my friends being pregnant.

It’s more than a reaction though, it’s like…a voice…I hear…somewhere, somehow…something.

It’s a feeling that I couldn’t aptly describe in a verbose explanation, so I’ll have to give you a play-by-play rundown of the occurring reaction.

(For simplicity’s sake the following characters in my little play shall be named “My Brain” and “Random Emotion Somewhere In The Pit Of My Stomach” or, simply “THE VOICE”)

Hopefully you’ll get my drift and sympathize…

Act one:

(My Brain): “***** is pregnant? No way! I’m so happy for her! They’re going to make great parents!”

Enter: THE VOICE

(THE VOICE): “Whisper, whisper, *sigh* …I want one… *sniffle*…”

(My Brain): “What the hey? Speak up will you? I can’t hear you when you mumble…”

(THE VOICE): “Hee hee, aww! Whisper, whisper, …I WANT one… *SIGH*…”

(My Brain: “Fine, I’ll get in touch with my emotions sensor to decipher your message…”

(My Brain): “Well, that’s odd isn’t it...I’m sensing…feelings of…longing…possibly…frustration? …and…”

(THE VOICE): “*SIGH!* I SAID…I WANT ONE!”

(My Brain): “Uh-oh”

(THE VOICE): “NO! MORE than that: I NEEEED one!”

(My Brain): “Oh. Not again…”

(THE VOICE): “YOU don’t understand. EVERYone is having babies…becoming happy little mommies… happy little families… I – no, WE – are being left out!”

(My Brain): “We’ve been over this before. Darn it! You do this EVERY time!

(THE VOICE): Weeping, wailing & gnashing of teeth

(My Brain): “Oh. Please. No. Not that. Shh! You’ll wake the neighbors! The heart is especially sensitive these days…”

(THE VOICE): “This is all YOUR fault! You insensitive, heartless, brute!”

Enter: The Heart

(Heart): “Hello? What’s this?”

(My Brain): “Oh, oh, now you’ve gone and done it! You woke it up!”

(THE VOICE): “NO! Heart understands me, understands this issue. We need babies, right Heart?”

(Heart): *Softens* “Oohh! Baaabies! So…soft…so sweeeet…so squiiishy…*sniffle*”

(My Brain): “You’re gonna get it, Voice…”

(Heart and THE VOICE chime together): “Babies! Babies! Baaaabiieees!”

End of Act One

The scene ends with The Brain fritzing in a corner, muttering phrases like “…don’t have time for babies…” and “no, no…no sex = no babies” and “…they DON’T understand…THEY don’t understand…THEY. DON’T. UNDERSTAND!”

While Heart and THE VOICE have gone mad in another corner cooing over imaginary offspring and preparing their future parenting skills.

It’s a mad rush towards chaos and all because a few friends here and there pop up to say two words of supposed eternal bliss:

“I’M PREGNANT!”

I’m siding with my brain on this one…